Image courtesy of Wendi Gratz, Flickr Creative Commons

Note from Debra: Susan Perri (@wingrants) tweeted to me a few weeks ago that she was seeing a rise in self-promotional tweets on Twitter, and a lack of courtesy. I asked her to expand on what she was seeing, and what advice she might offer to those new to Twitter. Her advice may well make sense for all, whether you are new to Twitter, not yet using Twitter, or an old hand at Twitter. Twitter requires a two-way relationship to create engagement. In that spirit, Susan offers three basic Twitter etiquette tips.  What follows is Susan’s guest post:

Our social media experiences often boils down to one question: Do you want engagement? On Twitter, it’s going to require a two-way relationship, with communication that addresses questions and comments from your followers.

I should begin by acknowledging I do see lots of great folks sharing the compelling stories of their work, which is often interesting and sometimes even noble. I’m glad to hear those stories, and connect and engage. At its best, I believe this is what social media should be, and certainly these are my intentions for using my selected platforms and Twitter in particular. Lately though I’ve been noticing the sheer volume of self-promotion combined with a general lack of common courtesy I encounter on Twitter. Like any other social or community venue, not all folks have the same idea, which can lower the quality of the user experience for the rest of us. Just because you can self-promote on Twitter does not mean you should do solely that. While there are many ways to engage with others, some etiquette should apply. Fundraising blog Fundly and my fellow Twitterer Dave Boyce (@davidjboyce1) speaks about this issue via a great post titled “Spread the love with social media, but don’t forget to mind your manners.” In the post, Dave references the work of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. According to Carnegie, the best leaders improve relationships with every word and action on a daily basis, and this kindness is contagious.

Let’s have some more kindness, please! Our increasingly digital age need not corrode the basic tenets of social niceties. Perhaps I’m hopelessly old-fashioned, but here are the values I (still) believe in, and would urge us all to follow while making our way around the Twittersphere:

1. Walk Your Talk

I’m looking for the kinds of leaders on Twitter that Dale Carnegie wrote about, especially as they relate to my work.  In my particular line of work, I see a lot of Twitter users who promote themselves as nonprofit, communications and/or fundraising professionals. Some of them use self-aggrandizing synonyms for professional, like maven or guru or genius. Many with really large followings put themselves out there as specialists on engagement – donor engagement, social media engagement, building relationships and communities. Surprisingly, these folks have been the most challenging to connect with or get some return engagement back from. Here’s an example to the contrary. Social media whiz (my label, not his) Robert Caruso (@fondalo) really practices what he preaches. This guy has almost 24,000 followers, and he still finds it in his heart to respond to and acknowledge promptly each and every mention, DM, and personal shout out on Twitter. If you’re looking for a best practice for engagement and Netiquette Twitter style, check him out.

2. Remember Your Manners

Think about what your mother taught you. There are really basic, simple acts of kindness that don’t require anything of you but carry tremendous social return on investment. When someone follows you, give thanks. A simple “thank you” goes a long way. Consider following back if that user fits your criteria for doing so. When someone mentions you or references your work, acknowledge it. It’s the right thing to do, and it may just inspire them to do so again in the future.  Don’t be afraid to mention back. It generates goodwill. Irene Koehler (@IreneKoehler) has a great post about Twitter fails of this ilk titled “11 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Me to Unfollow You on Twitter.”

3. Don’t Be Too Full of Yourself

Fellow tweep Matthew Smith (@MatthewSm1th), well versed in social media and philanthropy, recently wrote about the difference between sharing information and “shameless self-promotion” via social media outlets. Self-promotion may be the most common reason for using social media, but I submit there is a balance between self-promotion and respectable engagement that need not be shameless. Let’s begin by the way we put ourselves  out there. Another Twitter connection, Ephraim Gopin (@fundraisinisfun), very smart about all things fundraising, recently ranted about the overuse of the self-administered “social media expert” label. Remember what I said earlier about “geniuses” and “gurus”? This practice of self-proclaimed mastery is indeed overdone, whatever the profession or service. For example, it’s enough call oneself savvy – you need not have a qualifier like “incredibly” or “super” or “amazingly” before it. Sometimes less really is more.

In this era where we are constantly creating new tools to connect, social media is an emerging and evolving platform for communication. Granted, we are learning as we go. We are increasingly interested with how we measure up, how many followers we can count, how much Klout we have. In the end, I think the old adage holds true – it’s quality, not quantity, and the same rules from your childhood playground still apply. Make friends, be nice, take turns, say please and thank you. Oh, yes, and have fun while you’re at it.

 Susan Perri is a grant writing specialist, philanthropic fundraiser & nonprofit social media strategist. She connects organizations with the resources they need to make a positive impact.

Social media is a public platform. More specifically, all of your Facebook updates, Twitter updates, Flickr photo tags, Slideshare comments, blog comments, and just about any other social media commentary can be found using Google or other search engines. And as of last week, Google now indexes much of our conversation nearly in real time.  I think of these public conversations as social media’s virtual “front yard.”  (Hat tip to Hildy Gottlieb for beautifully expressing this idea in her blog post.)

But for every front yard, there is a back yard. And the back yard is where relationships are made.

Where are the back yards? These are the private spaces where conversations continue, out of the public eye. Some examples: In Facebook, it’s the inbox.  On Twitter, it’s the Direct Message (DM). On Linkedin, it’s “reply privately” to a group discussion. On Friendfeed, it’s the private conversation. On blogs, it’s when the blog owner writes back to the the commenter via email.

Getting invited into the back yard is kind of a big deal, and that should also be a goal if you want to deepen engagement with some of your ties. It’s both a leap of faith and an extension of trust. The back yard invitation moves a very weak personal tie – someone you’ve just met online but never in person – to become a stronger personal tie.Over time, I’ve experienced this general progression from the front yard, to the back yard, to inside the kitchen.

I’ve diagrammed the “strength progression of social media ties” below – and I would also love your thoughts about this diagram:

After talking via Skype, or VOIP, or in person, what’s next? Besides creating personal friendships, we may also be able utilize a person’s “whuffle” (social influence, as coined by Tara Hunt) if need be, on behalf of our causes.

It’s worth repeating that social media builds relationships, and that relationships build brands and organizations. (Which is why we talk about how the number of followers doesn’t matter, but Dunbar’s number does.)  A related post on this subject is Beth Kanter’s post on measuring impact, not influence and social influence reach versus affinity. Backyard conversations build relationships. After all, the best ideas do happen over a good meal and (sometimes) a few beers out on the back deck.

Here are a few questions for you:

• How have you seen the progression from weak tie to stronger tie to personal tie in your social media travels?
• How can organizations capture this for their good as well?
• What trends do you see in the progression from weak to stronger interpersonal ties?

I’m looking forward to this blog conversation!

Image courtesy of bartmaguire

This week is the wonderful Tweetsgiving event. I love that it gives me an opportunity to express my gratitude and also benefit a great organization and cause.  As I pondered exactly how I would express gratitude, I began to think about how I would do it in the context of a social media conversation. The beauty of social media is that expressions of  thanks and appreciation are built right into the medium.

Each social media platform has its own unique form of allowing users to express gratitude, and we are given “virtual karma points” for saying thanks to our social network.

Twitter

Retweet someone’s comment: Sometimes I retweet people I follow because it’s great info for my network. Sometimes I retweet people because I feel like I haven’t recognized their general contribution to my twitterverse in a while – and it’s good information. A retweet is recognition of someone’s value to you. That’s a form of thanks.

Tweet someone’s article/blog post/informative essay: they’ve said something really interesting and you’re recognizing it publicly.

Add a person to your Twitter List: I’m so incredibly honored that some people have put me on their list, and made that list public. If you have created groups using TweetDeck, or CoTweet, or another Twitter client, why not make those groups public now through your lists? Let everyone else know how awesome these Twitterers are.

Public recognition via #FollowFriday: The #FollowFriday (or #ff) participation is declining, and I think it’s a result of both fatigue and the rise of Twitter lists. However, the #ff recommendations I’ve received have warmed my heart tremendously and I am extremely grateful for them.

Give a shout out: Why not just tell someone how grateful you are to know them or what you learn from them? Here’s a tweet I sent out 6 days ago.

Facebook

You can “like” an update, news story, or just about anything else. It tells people “hey, I appreciate you putting that up.”

You can become a fan of a Page, Cause or Group. But more importantly, you can write on the wall of these places and thank them for the good work they do.

You can also thank people for joining your Cause or Page or Group. They are now stakeholders, and they love to be thanked. Here’s a “thank you” I received for joining the  Buy Local cause:

Reddit

You actually earn “karma points” for adding stories, voting on stories and commenting on stories in Reddit, which is a way of encouraging you to show your appreciation of others’ posted stories.

StumbleUpon

If you like a story, “stumble” it! As a blogger, it’s an incredibly wonderful thing to have one of my stories “stumbled.” It sends a lot of new folks to my site, and more than anything else, I know stumbling is not a task undertaken lightly. Stumbling a story means it is really, truly worthwhile. I am so appreciative of every stumbler. Do the same for someone else and show your gratitude for a great piece of information.

Linkedin

The very best way to express gratitude on Linkedin? Recommend someone. It takes less than five minutes and adds weight and credibility to their profile. If a connection performs a great service for you (your mechanic, your advisor, your real estate agent), write them a recommendation. I received one completely out of the blue last week and I still smile thinking about what a treat that was to receive it! All you have to do is click “recommend this person.” Do it today!

Blogging

If you have a blogroll, adding blogs that offer value to others is a deep honor to them, and public recognition of your appreciation of their blogging efforts.

When you comment on someone’s blog post, why not also add what was particularly great about the piece as well?

Subscribe to the blogs you want to read regularly. Show the blog owner/writers that you appreciate their work that way. Socially share blog posts that you love on all of your other social sites.

Don’t forget to assign credit to everyone that you reference in your blog posts. I like to “litter” my posts with all sorts of outgoing links to offer my readers more information as well as give credit to those who contribute to the development of a blog post.

Just thank them. In a blog post.

I’ve thanked contributors to posts, contributors to conversations that inspired posts, and in fact, I’m going to thank a few people who have inspired this post: Mama Lucy, Stacey Monk, John Haydon and Avi Kaplan for inviting me to participate in Tweetsgiving, the team of amazing bloggers who are also joining in this effort. I also want to offer special recognition in particular to two bloggers Ching Ya and Aviva Victoria Bruekner who, once I asked them to participate, put more than 100% of their energy and gratitude into this project and vigorously publicized it to their networks.

I haven’t even touched on all the ways we can thank someone, express gratitude, or show appreciation on social media. How do you do it?

This post was created as part of a global groundswell of gratitude called TweetsGiving. The celebration, created by US nonprofit Epic Change, is an experiment in social innovation that seeks to change the world through the power of gratitude. I hope you’ll visit the TweetsGiving site to learn more, and to bring your grateful heart to the party by sharing your gratitude, and giving in honor of that for which you’re most thankful.

photo by Jaycross

There seems to be a favorite type of blog post addressed to the new social media user: “What To Do On… (name of social media network).” Along with blog posts, there are FAQs on almost every forum, listserv, and social network. Why do we need these posts? Each participatory media has its own culture and cultural norms. Part of the beauty of participatory media is that the participants actually want you to participate and reap the benefits of participation.

The culture of each social media network is entirely different. I would never write a blog comment with the same informality with which I’d write on a Facebook Wall. Not even to the same person. A Facebook friend always starts his updates with “…has just updated his professional blog. Check it out!” He acts similarly on Twitter. He doesn’t know that participatory media means…participating and not advertising.  A little bit of cultural orientation would probably increase his business three-fold.

Non-profits often make the same mistakes as people. Many smaller non-profits that I work with are just beginning to dive into social media, but are intimidated by the cultures.  They want to engage meaningfully, but don’t know how to start.

I want you to create meaningful conversations with your stakeholders.  I have compiled a list of etiquette and cultural orientation advice about using each of the  major social media networks and tools on the web.

Enjoy and, if you appreciate these tips, pass them along. If you have additional links or tips, please let me know.  I look forward to conversing with you on the web!

Twitter Etiquette

14-Point Guide to Twitter Effectiveness (and culture):Writing My Twitter Etiquette Article: 14 Ways to Use Twitter Politely

Chris Brogan: Social Media Is No Place for Robot Behavior

Mashable’s Top 10 Reasons I Will Not Follow You In Return on Twitter

Great cultural tips from Twitip (and a good twitter resource): Use Twitter for Your Business the Right Way

Blog Etiquette

Good overview of blog etiquette: Blog Etiquette

The cultural norms for blog comments: Blog Etiquette and Commenting

Nice roundup of blog etiquette from several blogs: Blog Etiquette or Blogtiquette

Good tips on making your blog look & conform to the cultural norm: 10 Mistakes That Could Be Killing Your Blog

Culture of blog linking: Why No One Links to Your Blog

Facebook Etiquette

A whole blog only about Facebook etiquette here!

A personal coach’s experience of the two cultures: Twitter vs. Facebook culture

Friending on Facebook: The Facebook Commandments

Facebook etiquette for the college crowd:The Dormdelicious Guide to Facebook Etiquette

MySpace Etiquette

Suite 101 Roundup: MySpace Etiquette Tips

Nice perspective from the college crowd: Cyber Etiquette: The Do’s and Don’ts of MySpace

Bebo and MySpace etiquette: Bebo and My Space–Yes, My Love…There are Rules

LinkedIn Etiquette

From a reputation management expert’s perspective for both the business and the individual LinkedIn Etiquette: Five Do’s and Don’ts

Good LinkedIn and Networking Etiquette Post: Etiquette for LinkedIn and the Professional Networking World

From LinkedIn Blog: 7 Rules of LinkedIn Etiquette

Social Bookmarking Etiquette

Mashable’s great tips on using StumbleUpon and understanding its community: How to Get the Most Out of StumbleUpon

Thoughtful guide to social bookmarking etiquette, in general: Social Bookmarking Etiquette

YouTube Etiquette: Be A Good YouTube Commenter

Podcast Etiquette

Podcast Etiquette: How To Make Your Guest Look Like a Star

Very comprehensive overview of Podcast Culture (note: cannot find more recent information): Podcast Culture — Made by Podcasters

What NOT To Do On Social Media Sites

Interactive Insight Group’s Superlist of What Not to Do

What not to do with each social media tool: The Ultimate Social Media Etiquette Handbook

Additional Reference

Interactive Insights Group’s 100 Resources to Boost Your Social Media Savvy in 2009 is a wonderful resource for using social media.

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